I changed my brand’s name… it may seem abrupt but I have been contemplating this for some time now.
I had started to feel slightly jaded with my work and my blog, recently, and felt lost in terms of direction. Instead of tuning into my intuition and figuring it out, I just turned a blind eye and continued on. However, every time I posted, the numbing feeling only increased and soon it came to the point that I lost all inspiration and motivation to create genuine work. I felt even more uninspired when I realized I am just a part of a pool of creators creating the same kind of content and playing the vanity game. Instead of focusing on my content and making sure it speaks to me, I was focusing on the numbers and making sure it spoke to the algorithm.
Thus, I began to feel that I am slowly sinking into a rut and that scared me. I started planning up some projects but they didn’t fit my niche, as a result I came to a block and abandoned them halfway through just to end up dreaming about them again. It was a nasty cycle. I decided I’d start a sub-blog and work on these other projects separately, however, since I am already wrapped up with work, school and my current blog, it did not seem feasible for me to invest my time into another project. Deeper into the rut, I fall.
Then, one day I was just reading through my old diary and came across the time when I would go on long drives with my mom and dad. It took me back to such a magical time of my childhood. Everyday, I’d eagerly await my parents to come back from work and rest, so we could embark on this little adventure. These drives would almost always occur during late evenings just when the sun would start to set. I remember how enchanted I used to be with the sky. Its colours, the textures and the forms, they’d all ignite such emotions within me.
When the sun would finally set and the velvet black sky with its glistening stars would take over, I’d gaze up and wonder at the stars. I remember seeing three stars aligned in a straight line. I’d always look for them each time we’d go out in the night and I remember how comforted I felt believing these three little gems were following me everywhere, like my little set of guardians.
One day, I decided I am going to share this little secret of mine with my dad and let him into this magical world I had manifested. Giddy with excitement, I ran to my father, sharing this joyful discovery. Once I finished revealing the story, my dad kissed me on my forehead and giggled a little. Confused, I asked him what was up. He sat me on his lap and told me that the three stars that I see are actually part of a constellation and are called the Belt of Orion or Orion’s Belt. So they weren’t special to only me? I wondered. Disheartened, I asked my dad if he could carry me to bed. Realizing that the revelation upset me, my dad asked me to look at him and when I did, he said that it was very inspiring to see what a wonderful imagination I had and that the fact that I recognized the stars and knew where to look for them was enough to consider them as mine. Being a 10 year old at the time, this quickly uplifted my spirits and I was back to my giddy self again.
Thus, ever since, every time I am out with a friend at night and I eye the Belt of Orion, I let them in on the secret and tell them they’re my special stars. Those who know about the constellation would quickly chuckle up and expose my bluff (which is no fun, btw), however, the ones oblivious to the constellation or have an active imagination – ones who are also my favourite – would dazzle up and we’d sink into an enchantment, staring at the infinite velvet pool above us, mesmerized.
I love this little story of mine as it gave birth to a dreamy girl. A girl who loves staring at the velvet night sky, gazing at the stars and conjuring up stories inside her head. Stories that are endless and inspire such magic. I miss this girl and I want to bring her back to life… it is for this very reason that I wanted to change the name of my brand and start creating content that truly inspires myself and my readers. Content that is genuine and isn’t a carbon copy of what’s trending and hip currently. I want to create work that enlivens the emotions and our sense of self. Work that inspires and stirs up the senses and not contribute to the jadedness but fights it.
However, I must admit I did not have the courage to make such a change at first and was very confused as to what I should do. So, I talked to my photographer, Tyler, who has become a dear friend and vented to him about my dilemma. I complained about the algorithm changing and how the number plummeted to the point that I felt crushed and uninspired. I whined about how it depresses me that my likes have dropped to half of what it used to be and continues to drop even more. He listened to me vent and whine for a bit and then added his two golden cents. He reminded me that I shouldn’t be creating for money or for the fame. I should be doing this because it makes me happy, because it gives me massive intrinsic value. For, if I am not doing this for myself, I will constantly run into such creative blocks and find myself jaded and uninspired over and over again.
Thus, I decided to take the plunge. I was extremely unhappy with the direction I was going anyway so what was there to lose? Well, a lot actually, but the possibility of gaining peace for my soul and inspiring it to sing again was so much more appealing than the fear of falling. I do have to admit though, it is a little scary to be off on this path as I am still trying to wrap my head around this new direction and honestly, I am still trying to find my way. There is a chance of failure and this is surely a risk, but it is exciting and it thrills me to start working in this direction even if I am still trying to figure out what this direction really is.
As always, I am always inspired and touched by the support I get from everyone who stops by my little world and it is because of such support that I get the courage to take such risks. So thank you for all the love and support and I hope this new journey is a happy one ☾☼