I feel so much in love that I find myself dreaming, listening to old romantic Bollywood songs, giggling for no apparent reason & breathing just a tad bit more heartfully.
My heart feels full and is glowing. I feel abundantly optimistic & dazzled by the everyday. With all that said though, there is no presence of another being who’d be particularly responsible for such romance that I have been experiencing lately. In fact, it caught me off guard… How could it be? It almost feels like I am in love with someone, but who… I continued asking myself this every now and then but soon got distracted by the magical emotions I have been experiencing that I stopped asking entirely, until today… 🌿
Now that I live in the suburbs, I make a point to go for a walk regularly and explore the mystically gorgeous surroundings of my new home. Where I live now, I am surrounded by never ending fields and thick woods. I won’t entirely consider it to be the countryside but it is very close to being considered that.
Anyways, today, while on my regular walk, I found myself at a halt for no apparent reason. Something inside of me stopped me and urged to silently look around me. And I looked… I looked at the brilliantly coloured red & yellows, I stared at the tallwrinkled, bold bodies that reached up to the sky, I smelled the fresh rust in the wind, heard the sweet whisperings of the forest and realized the utter beauty of the present 🌾
In that moment of clarity, I realized I am most definitely in love… in love with life, in love with myself ☀️
It took me quite some time and few reroutes before I reached this beautiful state of mind. Little did I realize the path to feeling so content and happy was not so far from reach…

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Lately, I have been keeping all the promises I have been making to myself. Before, I would make a huge list of things that I wanted to do for myself: get fit, dedicate more time to the blog, create more art, and the list would go on. It was a list of wishes, dreams and goals. However, I hardly ever crossed any item from it. Instead of writing a blog post, I would binge on Netflix. Gym? Meh, I am just gonna snuggle up on the couch and eat mac and cheese. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoying binging on Netflix and downing a whole bowl of Mac and Cheese but only after I am done working on the list.
You see, it was hard to stay content with myself when all I did was betray my trust by almost never fulfilling any of the promises I made to myself. I knew what would make me happy but instead I just let myself down time and time again. I was that disappointing girlfriend in a relationship who did nothing but fall short of her partner’s expectations over and over. I mean how could one be happy with someone if they are always let down?
No more disappointments, I said.
I have now made myself my top priority and ensure that I am taking care of all of my needs. I listen to myself earnestly & pay attention to my wishes. I make sure that I am not neglecting myself or putting myself on a back burner while I take care of all the secondaries.
I am also practicing self-awareness mindfully to make certain that I am not misunderstanding or misleading myself. There is nothing more frustrating than treading waters by fruitlessly guessing what it is that makes me happy only to find out after putting countless effort in that was not what I wanted in the first place 🍃
Ever since I made these behavioural changes I am breathing in fresher air and the sun has been shining magnificently.
Ah, such a simple truth & yet so powerful. I am more productive, more inspired & even more hopeful. I am happy, truly & utterly happy. I no longer find myself dwelling over the mishaps & failures, instead I focus on what is going right no matter their significance 🍂
I guess the whole point to this lengthy rant is…
Find yourself, so you can find everything you’ve always been looking for ✨🌙

~ fatima

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