I have been in such a happy place, lately. If I sound slightly surprised, it is because I am. Even though I am almost always striving to surround myself in positive environments and ensure I am always constructively busy, there is always some sort of a minor fog or cloud hovering above my heart. I would often have brief moments when my heart would let out a melancholic sigh and I’d indulge myself with drifting away to gloomy lands. Like I said, these moments were brief and didn’t take a serious toll on me… however, they did still exist.
Lately though, these indulges have started to subside and I go on for a while before I experience such instances. There are certain factors that led to such clarity, the biggest one being the development of a strong relationship with myself.
Yes, I used to go on about being self-aware and how it has helped me tremendously. What I didn’t realize that I had just scratched the surface. When I started my journey to becoming self aware and self sustained. It was more of a trial and error. There were times when I’d feel I know myself entirely while other times I’d feel like a complete stranger. During the past year I was convinced I had achieved the higher level of awareness when it came to self, but the last few months I realized that despite achieving a great deal, I had yet to find that jar of honey.
I was so focused on developing my mental state that I completely ignored other aspects of me. I had ignored my physical health as I didn’t feel the need to stay fit or sexy as I already felt complete and confident the way I was. Now, there is nothing wrong with that and it worked like a charm for me… however, since I was not taking care of myself physically it started to take a toll on my mental health as well. I was tired, cranky, didn’t feel good in my skin… but I kept ignoring it all because I felt as long as I am taking care of myself mentally I am fine. I was not.
Thus, for the past three months my focus has been equally divided between my physical and mental health. I have begun working out religiously, this includes going to the gym, meeting my trainer, doing yoga on my off days and really taking care of what I eat. By that I do not mean I starve myself and deprive myself of goodies. I ensure that I am always eating yummy food, provided its healthy. I have also writing again (as you can see) which helps keep my mental health in check and also keeps me inspired. I am constantly keeping busy with my creative projects and truly striving to instil the soul in my work. This has helped the voices that would keep whispering in my ears, telling me how I am not following my spirit and that I am being led astray by external guides who are in no contact with who I am.
The key here though, is the fact that I am no longer acting as an obstacle in my way to becoming who I am meant to be. Instead of making excuses, I am doing everything I can to provide for myself in order to help me be who I have always wanted to be: my best self. There are days when I want to give up and take a breather… Instead of going to the gym, I want to just stay in, order pizza and just waste my hours watching Netflix. Instead of spending hours outside in the cold, I just wanna take a hot bath and just do nothing. Don’t get me wrong, I still do that but only on those designated days. For the majority of the days though, I keep my promises. The promise to be my best self mentally, physically and spiritually. To be my best friend, who’d do anything to get me to become who I need to be. To be my guide, who’d direct me where I need to be and ensure I am not led astray. To be my own support system that quickly helps me back up when I fall and helps me heal when I get hurt. Because I have been keeping my promises I made to myself, I trust myself more. Because I trust myself more, I am more inclined to rely on myself more. Because I rely on myself more, my relationship with myself continues to solidify.
And all this has helped guide me to my happy place where there is endless sunshine, with birds chirping about and wind rustling through the leaves. I feel like a nymph who has finally found her private kingdom, where she strolls about without any fear of falling or without worrying about losing her away because she has finally found the ultimate compass, the one inside her ☽