At the start of last summer, I found myself at a crossroads. I was let go by the company I was working for and with no other prospects in sight, I had to figure out my next steps. Oddly enough though, I had been feeling jaded for months leading up to that day. I frequently found myself sighing and dreaming of living an alternative life where I was exercising my creativity without any bounds and life was nothing short of magic. I knew exactly what I wanted, however, I was too lethargic and unmotivated to do anything about it and so I did nothing but succumb to the mundane routine of my life.
However, I guess, the Universe was done waiting around for me to make a move and was just not having it anymore. With no job to grasp on to or hide behind, I found myself in a position where I had to make a move. I had two options: find another job and let life repeat itself or take the leap to design the life I had been dreaming about the last three years. I had already lived through option one and knew exactly how that would unfold, so naturally I was pulled by my curiosity towards option two. It scared me, but at the same time, it thrilled me as well.
Perhaps, this was the moment I had been waiting for. Yes, I shouldn’t have been so passive and waited for a sign, jeez! But it is hard to break through your comfort zone especially when you have everyone around you telling you how wonderful your life really is – and it was! It just wasn’t what I wanted!
I have always been a dreamer ever since I was a baby. I never fit in any box and always took the path less travelled by. I was never good at doing anything just for the sake of doing it or because that is just how it is done mentality. I always needed more to get motivated and so it wasn’t a surprise when I couldn’t conform to the dull reality of working a 9 to 5.
With all that said though, it was hard. I decided to pursue my blog and freelance and say goodbye to working for someone else. Awesome, right? Uhh, not when you have zero idea what to do next. I knew I wanted to blog full time but I realized I only feel passionate about it when there is no stress involved. As soon as I start getting caught up with the numbers and the algorithm, I almost always feel jaded from it all and take a break – I am sure you have seen the pattern *blushes* – And let’s be real, the every changing algorithm really boggles your mind and before you know it you’ve bit off half your nails and pulled off a chunk of your hair by the end of it – ughhh!
So what was I to do? I knew I could instead just focus on my design studio but that one was also a little murked up of a road to travel on. I had been in such a creative rut and for so long, I just didn’t even know how to get back on the creative wagon again. So for the last five months I had been trying to unrut myself and failing miserably as a result. However, thank god for the wonderful creature in my life, my mother, who kept telling me to keep trying and to not let the scary behemoth, time, scare me into giving up and going back to option one. So I kept trying, failing, trying again and ultimately getting fed up to the point that I was on the edge of falling into hopelessness.
Buuuuut, just when I was about to lose all hope and was completely sick with myself, I cracked it! I unrut myself! I was sitting in my room with my iPad watching my beloved movie, Song of the Sea, that I decided I wanted to draw a scene from the movie. I didn’t have much expectation and was just planning to doodle a little without it amounting to anything when I completely shocked myself! I drew so effortlessly and it was actually decent. Bam! After cracking open my creative ability, I started illustrating and drawing a couple of pieces everyday. I redid my studio site and started creating content for it as well and now I can’t stop!
It took me five months to get over myself and to regain my creative abilities. Yes, at first, it did seem that my finally breaking out happened randomly but it didn’t. It took months of relentless trials and errors and a few too many moments of wanting to give up but then not succumbing to my inner demons, which takes a lot of effort, to be honest.
I am so proud of myself for not giving up when it felt like that is what I should be doing. Despite having a million voices inside of me telling me to just stop, I listened to that one voice that softly pleaded to keep going. I am thankful for that voice.
So, this thanksgiving, despite being thankful to the wonderful people in my life – you know who you are – I am extremely thankful to that stubborn, sweet voice within me that kept motivating me and inspiring me to not give up. Today, thanks to my sweet, flamboyant spirit, it makes my heart leap with joy to announce that I am going full time with my blog and creative studio and despite the many obstacles still in my way I am so stoked to venture off on this thrilling journey filled with magic and enchanting adventures.
Here’s to taking risks and to keeping that spirited voice within us alive and animated.