I am currently sitting on my porch, sipping hot green tea and soaking in the reality of the present while my sweet Nietzsche rests peacefully on my lap. The journey to this moment was not an uneventful one. There have been some struggles, rejoicings, moments of murk as well as that of stark clarity.
The last six months have been taxing, but oh so rewarding as they come to a closure. To say that Summer 2018 was eventful, would be an understatement. It was a time of tremendous growth and change, requiring hard hustles and struggles.
The season started with my world flipping upside down and me trying to get a grip on it all. I lost my job, realized my dream and pursued it with such force that everything else around me at the time seem like a blur. It was also the season of incredible change. I decided to move back to the suburbs, which was so hard to come to terms with as I adore Toronto and it truly does feel like home. However, I had to make the decision since living in the city was expensive and I really did miss being close to my mom. Also, it really didn’t make sense having a place in the city as I plan on travelling frequently in the coming months. In fact, now that I am moved back and all settled, I actually appreciate the slow suburban life. I am still in the city for the majority of the week so it doesn’t feel like I am missing out, plus the change of scenery from the hustle bustle to the quiet is actually soothing. So all in all, the risk of moving back and semi-giving up on city life has been worth it.
Because I decided to move from the city by the end of the season, my entire summer was filled with social events. Every weekend was some social gathering I had to go to and it was so fun connecting with my friends and enjoying each other in such a joyous way. I was literally obsessed with making each day count so I made sure I was exploring, connecting, consuming each minute of the day with people I adore and love. I went on a camping trip – which I will be writing about later – that was adventurous, to beaches, a cottage trip and various other day trips with friends.
With all that said, last summer wasn’t entirely just fun and games either. I had various episodes of periodic anxiety. It was the first time in my life that I wasn’t working in a secure position. Ever since I turned sixteen, I always had work to go to, however, this time I didn’t and wasn’t even going to. That scared me. Each day I’d wake up and question my decision. Is this the right choice? What if I run out of money? What if this whole creative storytelling thing doesn’t work on? Ya da ya da ya da! It really got to me at times. But thanks to my wonderful support system of friends and my mother, I was reminded of the why which made the how seem easy. I also had to deal with some personal matters at hand that expedited my anxiety attacks. I had to take actions that were extremely difficult for my soul and I wasn’t always successful at handling my emotions either. In fact, I had a massive meltdown at a social gathering once but again, I am so thankful for the people in my life who gathered up my pieces and helped put them back together.
All in all, Summer 2018 will always be dear to me. It was the season I decided to trust myself and choose my dreams over the security of a mundane life. It was the season I was compelled to confront my inner demons and to really sort out the cumulated emotional baggage I had been carrying for the past couple of years. It was not easy, but it was so liberating and freeing.
Now, its time to really shine and let go of any fears that were holding me back and really let lose all the creativity, dreams and magic I had been suppressing in the past.
Here’s to dreaming and striving to live our best lives no matter how hard it gets sometimes.