“Her heart is nourished by spring-water & innocence”
– Geneviève Bon, from “The Weeping Statue,” written c. April 1993

I have been feeling so vibrant lately. This wasn’t always the case though. There was a time when such a feeling was completely foreign to me, the feeling of lightness, of vibrance. I was convinced that I’d always have to carry the heaviness that hovered over me, everywhere I went, unable to escape. But then, that word “escape,” started echoing within me 🌬

Why did I always want to escape my feelings in the first place? Why did I want to get rid of the heavy emotions instead of figuring them out? Was I just tired? Or was I actually scared to face myself? I kept pondering over this & kept having such dialogues with myself and slowly, I started to confront my emotions, & the heaviness. Instead of hiding from it all, I started exploring it. As I continued doing so, I started asking myself, am I really confronting myself or am I just falsely convincing myself of doing so? The more I asked, the more openly I confronted the deepest, darkest parts of me. It was scary & oh my, was it a bumpy road but I persevered & continued digging deeper 🐾

Then, one day a new lightness, an airy emotion smiled inside me. It was liberating. However, I soon felt a sudden fear that it might go away & I might go back to carrying the weight… but it didn’t. Days turned to weeks & weeks to months & I continued to feel liberated, light. Finally, I let go of the fear & embraced these new emotions as my own 🦄

So now, when I do experience heaviness, the greys, as I like to call them, I don’t distract myself from it, instead I confront it, I have a dialogue with it, almost like a conversation. I try to understand it & then, based on the understanding I give it the space and time it needs to sort itself out… and then it goes away & the lightness takes over again, just like the clouds floating away after a storm to reveal the happy sun and its radiance 🌞

The point of this little soliloquy is when you can’t find the light at end of the tunnel, be that light for yourself; be a searcher, not an escaper, be your own friend & strive to understand yourself, always ✨🌾

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